A Letter to My Children

Dearest "You Know Who You Are",

I have a series of regrets in my life, but not being the mom you needed me to be when your step-father was sent to prison is the biggest regret I have.  It doesn't matter that my world was crumbling.  It doesn't matter that I was an abused wife and didn't have the self-esteem of an earthworm.  It didn't matter that I had no clue what I was going to do.

What mattered was that you were children and you needed me.  You needed me to be strong.  You needed me to fight for you.  You needed me to love you and hold you and tell you how wonderful you were, how we were going to get through this.

I put too much on your shoulders, my children.  At the time, I didn't even know half of what we going on in my household.  Even that isn't a good excuse for not being the mother you needed me to be.

I'm sorry.  I'm very sorry.  I love each and every one of you and think you are amazing adults, despite the hardships you faced in your life.  You didn't deserve it.  You weren't put on this earth to withstand it.

Oh, how I wish I could go back.  I would change so many things.  I would hug you more.  I would read with you more.  I would forget about myself and give you what you needed more.

My prayer now is that you forgive me.

Mom