Random

I hate being so random.

Three months ago I wrote my last post.  Problem was, I couldn't remember how to reach this page to keep going.  The only reason I could reach it today is someone from an Oriental country was commenting and so I was able to respond. 

I'm not even sure why I have this blog.  I don't maintain it regularly and no one (that I know of) reads it.  Bottom line is, it's boring.  The things I want to remember are written by hand because I like the feel of pen on paper.  It's more personal and intimate.  We've become robotic enough as it is.  Even in schools...they are no longer teaching cursive writing!  Can you believe that?  If the world continues for a few more generations, no one will be able to read my journals because I write cursive!  Weird.

No one would believe how platitudinous my life is.

A New Thing

I am venturing out.  I have decided to test products for reviews.  For one thing, I truly enjoy getting things in the mail.  Feels like Christmas every time I get a package or an envelope.  There's that sense of anticipation as I slip the letter opener or box cutter across the tape, wondering what fun item is behind the flap.  Then the joy as I hold the brand new, unopened product in my hand.  Shampoo?  Body wash?  Cleanser?  Off to the shower I go as I have to try the product immediately!  Something for the kitchen?  I must cook something now!  You see what I'm getting at, I'm sure.

So, watch for new things in the coming days and weeks to come.  I will be honest and forthright in my opinions.  If I like something, I will say so.  If I don't, you will know it as well.

Fun times!

Redecorating

I'm not sure how this happened, but one day Joel decided to paint the living room.  He even asked me what color I would like the walls to be.  Wait...what?  Not blue?  Am I hearing correctly?  He will let me paint a room something other than his precious blue?  Am I in the right house?  I will have to move quickly.  I decided on something called Imperial Sand...a very nice pale peach.  The experts are right...the room looks opened up, larger.  Joel even did the painting, which was incredible.  I just "supervised".  Actually, I read a book and made the appropriate noises ("that looks nice, dear"..."you're doing such a nice job, honey")...you know the drill.

Don't get me wrong.  I was appreciative.  Especially about the color.  I just don't like the nitty gritty of getting things done.  I like the aftermath.  The beautiful results.

Now I have to talk him into new carpet.  Covers for the sofa and recliners.  Decor for the walls.  Do you see what new paint will do?

Where have I been?  Nowhere.  Everywhere.  I'm not about to go back and fill in the gaps...at least not now, so will just go on from here.

I've been wanting to do some writing, but I've made the "mistake" of going online to learn how to write from online courses.  For some reason, this has stalled me and turned off my creative juices.  Now I feel like I have to create character sketches and do outlines.  Maybe I'm not meant to write a book.  Maybe I'm just supposed to write for myself and my sanity.  Whatever.  Most days I don't think it's working.

Wait...Was that fall???

I woke up to frost on the windows and a crunch on the ground.  What happened to that glorious season between summer and winter?  Did I blink?  The space between the seasons appears to be getting shorter and shorter all the time.

Maybe it's because I'm cold all the time.  Maybe it's because I'm getting older.  Whatever the reason, I don't think I like this new timeline.  It's 39 degrees outside and I don't even have a winter jacket yet!

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

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I've been in a deep fog these past few months.  Literally walking in a cloud.  I sleep more than I'm awake, dream more than I live, and cry more than I laugh.  Life has become too exhausting and sad to want to live it.

I'm too tired to even finish this.

The Pen

I have a chance to get a fountain pen.  There's something about writing with a fountain pen that gives value to the words.  The main reason for my journals, other than venting, of course, is for my descendents. Can you imagine if our ancestors had done the same, what precious little secrets they could have left behind?  I would choose my words carefully with a fountain pen.  I think it would bring out the secret scholar that lives inside my brain and allow her to exist for that time I am writing.  The one I wanted to be as a child.  The one I gave all my words to.

Oh my.  I do believe I've had an epiphany.  When this happens, when I've realized something (thank you, Lord) about my psyche, about myself, it's a beautiful and hushed moment.  The truth truly does set you free!  And it all started with a fountain pen!


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Progress

Weight this morning:  187

Joel and I have started using Whey Protein shakes for meal replacements.  I'm not sure what to think, although they are very good when processed in the vita-mix type blender we purchased on Amazon.  In fact, they taste like a shake and they do fill me up.  I've had a bit of a problem with tummy issues, but I ate some steak for supper and my tummy fills a little better.  Maybe I'll do the meal replacements twice a day and have one regular meal.  We'll see what happens on the scale tomorrow.

I learned something today.  All these years of trying to diet, trying to lose weight and get thin, have been for my own benefit.  What's so wrong with that?  I've been trying to get the glory for myself.  The truth is, I am not my own, but I belong to God.  My mindset has to change so that whatever I do, I do for His glory.  That puts a whole new perspective on dieting.  In fact, it makes it more of a lifestyle and not a diet at all, doesn't it?  Of course, my body will still reap the benefits of being fit, looking better, and being healthy, but the focus won't be on myself.

Maybe this is the reason I've failed so many times in the past.  Maybe this is the reason I feel hope today.  I'm excited because for the first time, I see victory in the future.  I can focus on God and not so much on myself and how I look.  I can start today.