Grace Through the Fog

She calls me a stalker because I follow her on social sites on the internet.  It's the only way I can see her at the moment.  I can't help myself.  I tell myself to just leave her alone, to give her space, but then I need to see what she's saying and doing.  I think of it as a death because right now I have no access to her.  I wonder if she knows just how much she is hurting me right now.  I wonder if she cares, even a little.  Probably not.  She probably thinks it's rather funny.

I want to move on.  I don't know how to let go.  She's my child.  I think of carrying her, giving birth to her, the moments when she was a baby...always so happy and giggling all the time.  She has such a funny sense of humor and I miss that.  I miss her.

Why do I have this tendency to hang onto hurts like this?  Why can't I leave it alone and let God handle it?  I tell Him I will and then I still cry when I see her comments, especially the ones I know are directed at me.  I can't even defend myself to her.

I find out from my husband's sister, of all people, that my daughter is thinking of moving to where her husband works...either North or South Dakota.  When was she planning to tell me, if ever?  I have three grandchildren, who I love very much and would miss terribly, to think about.  Was she going to move and then tell me she was gone?  Or give that responsibility to someone else?  I don't have a problem with her moving to be with Donny; she should.  It's a huge thing to only see your husband one weekend a month.  I would like her to tell me of her plans, though, not hear it from my sister-in-law.  This news was verified through someone else, too, so I know she's been talking about it.

I just miss my daughter.  Lord, I need Your help.