Doing My Part

I started with one of my daughters last night.  It's much easier for me to write these things out and let them respond via email or Facebook message than it is to talk face-to-face.  I know there's a lot of healing to be done and, I'm sure, as I do this there will be much more to say.  I suspect some will tell me that things are fine and I don't have to do this.  But I feel a pull to do it and I think it will mend some broken fences when all this is said and done.  My hope is that we can become close again and let go of all the pain of the past. 

Even if I wasn't the person who physically and mentally abused my children, I do recognize that I wasn't there enough for them.  This is a painful process and one I must do alone (with God's help and guidance).  I can't explain to anyone what it's like to be beaten down so badly that they can't take care of the little ones in their lives, that they have no self-esteem, or that their power was stolen from them.  It was a chaotic time in my life I would sooner forget.  Unfortunately, I have left holes in my children's hearts because of it and it must be addressed.  What my children do with this apology is up to them.  I will accept whatever they decide because I love them.

I do hope and pray we can be a united family again.  It makes me wonder if we ever were a united family, but my goal is to make us one.  If you think about it, pray for wisdom for myself.  I will need it.